Good Idea, Bad Idea - Kids' Songs

Good Idea - Educational Kids' Songs

This week Amanda (my wife) and I have been babysitting her little cousins. They are 5 and 7 and really not all that important to the story (if for no other reason than that only her parents would care if I sit here and tell you how cute they are). Suffice to say, we've had fun with them.

While driving different places with them, we have the kids' channel on for them to listen to, and I've noticed something. All the songs they have are educational in some way.  I don't remember it being that way when I was a kid. Like this is a great song from my childhood that I still remember today (watch the video, its worth it):

HAHAHAHA!!! You're gonna have that stuck in your head for a week now!!! But really, what did that song teach us? Other than gibberish and that Bram really can't play the circa 1822 tuba, nothing. What lessons can we learn from Itsy-Bitsy Spider? 1) Rain will make spiders fall. 2) The sun makes water go away (though no explanation of how) and 3) Spiders are really stupid.

So its probably a good thing that the songs these kids hear are educational. For example, we heard an entire song on the water cycle. It talks about water evaporating and becoming clouds, then the clouds bringing down rain, then starting over. Certainly a more useful thing to remember than Skidamarink.

Bad Idea - Non-Educational Kids' Songs

The problem with making educational kids' songs so prevalent is that it starts to become the norm. So when you're listening to the kids' channel and the song "Don't Play With Bruno" comes on (which is the entire reason for the topic of this post) it makes you think twice. First, because the song is absolutely ridiculous, and second because it teaches the wrong lessons.

At the end, you will find the MP3 of this song to listen to, but first, I want to give you a brief synopsis of the song. Two girls are sitting on a swing whispering to each other, and up comes Bruno. As they see him approach, the following conversation occurs (also the chorus for the song):

Sue: Don't play with Bruno. Bruno is a dweeb.
Shirley: A dweeb, what's a dweeb?
Sue: Oh you know... like Bruno.
Shirley: Shhh here he comes.

Then Bruno approaches, and in what can only be described as the voice of a retarded Seasame Street character, says "Hey girls, I'm digging a hole, want to help?" to which they of course reply, no. So he starts to dig his hole alone.

Then approach Mike and Mike on a red bike and another red bike, who see Bruno's hole (which is now 3 feet deep) and want to join Bruno. Shirley and Sue quickly repeat their chorus in unison, informing the boys of Bruno's dweeb status, and that they shouldn't play with him. Bruno then informs the group in his retard voice that he found a horseshoe. Mike and Mike reply in a very sarcastic manner "A horseshoe? Neat. Bye." They go over to the hole to look at the horseshoe and Shirley and Sue are left alone.

The next verse is more of the same. Baby Gail shows up with a shovel and pail, Shirley and Sue tell her to stay away from the contagiously dweeby Bruno, Bruno finds a tractor, Baby Gail goes to look at it. The next verse is where the song really takes a turn for the worse. A jeep pulls up and a man CLAIMING to be a doctor from a museum is looking for Bruno. The girls quickly tell the stranger that Bruno is a dweeb, but he's in a deep hole where no one will see the adult stranger and the child. The stranger then runs over to the hole and a short time later, Bruno exclaims "I found a lost 'city'!" Apparently, Shirley and Sue have a thing for lost cities, because they realize they want to see the city and go join Bruno.

So the things I learned from this song are all bad. Here they are in a nicely organized list:

1.  Don't play with people that are different.
2. Spreading gossip is the way to go!
3. Its completely acceptable to dig giant holes next to your mom's bushes.
4. Allow babies to go play in deep holes unsupervised.
5. When strangers pull up in cars, inform them where they can find groups of unsupervised children to play with.

None of those are really lessons that we should be teaching children. Now, this may all seem a little strange to you, so I encourage you to listen to this song:



Really...you just can't make this stuff up, you know? Awesome.

Well, that's another Good Idea, Bad Idea. Till next time, nice gravy to you all!