Who is JK?

Being an advice columnist, I was worried when I posted my introduction a few weeks ago that no one would submit any questions for me to answer. You can see where that would be a problem. Fortunately, all my worry was for naught. In fact, queries were submitted by multiple readers. I guess you guys were all on the same wavelength because they all asked the exact same question: “Who is JK?”

Totally valid question, I’ll admit, but where’s the fun in me just giving you the answer?

I’m not opposed to giving you some more information about myself. I realize you are all trying to figure out what to make of me instead of just blindly trusting me. I can’t say that I blame you. I would do the exact same thing. So, to answer your question I figured it’d be much more fun to approach this as if it were a science experiment.

When trying to prove a theory, all you can do is try to disprove it and when you run out of ideas for doing that, if your theory is still standing, you assume you were right…at least until some other scientist 76 years down the road waltzes in and decides that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. (Yeah, I know its a few years after the fact but I’m still bitter about it.) Anyway, I figure if that method is exact enough for science, why not use it here. I’ll give you some clues as to who I’m not and you are welcome to draw your conclusions from there.

The first hypothesis that needs to be disproved is that JK does not stand for Just Kidding. You can know that I’m telling the truth about this because there is no slash in between the J and the K.

Apparently, j/k is the appropriate abbreviation for those two words. Why? I have no idea. We don’t abbreviate much of anything else in this fashion. Other than b/f and g/f (boyfriend and girlfriend, respectively) I can’t think of another instance where you can take a word or term and shorten it without using a period or an apostrophe. Though, given the rapid decline in the usage of proper English, I can pretty safely predict that such trends are likely to continue. I would suggest that if you’re planning on jumping on the poor English bandwagon and riding it into the sunset that the smarter approach would be to begin now. You’ll be called a trendsetter. Instead of having to learn this slang, you can create it!

(Note: How to Create Your Own Slang could be a New York Times Bestseller…or at least get a good dozen views on the internet. Just thought I’d put that out there for anyone who is an aspiring author.)

Another theory that needs to be cleared up is that I am not J. K. Rowling. If I were, a few things would be different. Namely, I would have a mansion complete with a giant vault full of money, protected by Gringotts goblins and at least one dragon, of course, and also, I wouldn’t have made Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows quite so depressing. Those are the two glaring differences between me and her that I can think of right off the bat.

I guess there is probably one more myth I should dispel about my possible identity. I need to put out there that I am not JK from the JK Wedding Entrance Dance video that went viral last year. Actually, in that case, JK stands for Jill and Kevin. Unfortunately, for me, I’m not two people. Sometimes I’ve wished I were, alas, I’ve had no luck in the matter. If you want to see that video, however, just click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

That’s all you’re going to get out of me for now. I’m reasonably sure you’ll learn plenty more over time if you decide to keep reading. I wish you all the best with it and am looking forward to hearing from you.