A Series Finale, and I'm Still LOST

So lets just get it out of the way to start: That sucked. I watch some really crappy shows with my time (Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, and most notably, Smallville, which The CW refuses to cancel even though its nothing short of a black hole for entertainment value), but this finale just jumped LOST to the head of the pack.

I've been listening to a lot of people talk about the finale, and it seems that in typical LOST fashion, nobody actually understands what happened, so let me quickly explain the one and only answer they gave us in the finale (at least the way I understand it, and since I'm saying it, its the right way). The "sideways universe" was an afterlife of sorts. If you want to know my evidence, here it is:

1. Everyone had events that made them "remember" their previous lives (primarily caused by Desmond).
2. Symbolism on the window behind Jack's dad when he's talking to him (symbols for 6 major religions)
3. Oh, and Jack's dad (who just so happens to be named Christian Shepard, because that's subtle) says they're all dead.

I've heard a lot of people claiming its an alternate universe, but more accurately its Purgatory, a place where you go after you die to cleanse and prepare yourself for heaven.  Christian gives us the basic idea, and states that there is "no now here," claiming that time is irrelevant in this place (more proof that its afterlife, not an alternate dimension, as all earthly realms would have to be time bound in order for the fabric of the universe be held together). This is where things really start to go a little weird with the afterlife areas. If time is not a factor, why are a great number of the members not present here? Walt, Michael, Mr. Echo, Anna-Lucia (who we see in this afterlife, so we know she could be there), Faraday, Charlotte, Miles, Richard, and Lapidus were all suspiciously absent (and countless other smaller characters that survived the crash). Despite the obviousness of the sideways universe/afterlife, at least it was explained. Lets move on to the MAJOR disappointments of the finale.

The main story arc was completely unexplained in this episode. Quite literally, not a single question left to be answered was actually answered in the finale. We know from the Jacob-as-a-kid episode that the light in the heart of the island is "the light that is in all men" which is meant to be all that is good in people. By extension, we could ASSUME that if this light goes out, then evil would run rampant and unchecked in the world (AKA the smoke monster could leave), but it never actually tells us this. Plus, if that's the case, then the extinguishing of the light should make Locke/The Man in Black STRONGER, not mortal.

We know that Kate, Sawyer, Claire, Miles, Richard, and Lapidus make it off the island, but it tells us NOTHING of the life they have after these events. The fact that Richard is not in the afterlife stories, can we assume that he never dies? Such an assumption would clash with the grey hair that Miles found on him while they were getting on the row boat. If Ben is given a chance to move on, why shouldn't Richard? Ben is at least 100,000 times less deserving than Richard for salvation.

Then there's the question of Hurley. He's supposed to be the protector of the island now, but what's he protecting it from? There's no more Others, The Man in Black is dead. Even Ben is working to help protect it. So what's to protect it from? Its a hidden island that can't be found unless The Protector allows it to be found, so if there is no protector, no one finds it, and the light is protected. How long does Hurley stay there? Does he do a good job (at doing nothing)? Does he have the same powers Jacob did? If so, then how does he die?

What about Desmond? He's beaten and about to die. Then Ben tells Hurley that he could help him get home. How does Hurley do that? Can he just whisk him away with thought, or is there some other undestroyed mode of transportation available? I guess he could take the boat that he used to get to the island (the same one that Sawyer and Kate used to get to Hydra Island), but that's pretty beat up, and without sails if I remember right.

Ultimately, it comes down to this. A great show should teach us something. Something about how people live, or a life lesson. After 6 years of watching this show (and a number of those years unbelievable boring and needlessly complex), LOST left us with one undenible fact: "Everyone dies." Really? We've spent hours learning meta-physics and string theory. Had entire seasons explaining the complexity of time travel, and intertwining time lines. We've endured polar bears, drug dealers, and black smoke monsters. Mixing of Egyptian, Myan, and Christian symbology. We've endured needlessly complicated story lines with ridiculous intersections of the lives of these people before they ended up on the island. And in the end, they give us a reminder of our own mortality? And then in the most absolutely ridiculous statement of contradictions ever, they state that what they did mattered, even though they still just died. Wow, that was useful. Thank you Damon Lindelof, for a completely pointless waste of the last 6 years of my life. At least Smallville never tried to act like anything more than what they are.