The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin (AKA Job)

I heard about a very interesting website today while listening to the radio. For anyone curious, the website is restorestephenbaldwin.org/. If/when you go there, make sure you watch the video, because it is hilarious.  For those of you that don't want to go there (or anyone that wants a good laugh), I will explain what this website is about.

Apparently, Stephen Baldwin is broke. I personally find this shocking because he's been in AMAZING movies like Bio-Dome, The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas, and Slapshot 2: Breaking the Ice. I can't see how these titans of Hollywood have not set him up for life. Needless to say, Stephen is one of the lesser Baldwin brothers.

The website previously mentioned believes that the fall in his career is due to his becoming a Born Again Christian in 2002. They say that because of his devout beliefs, he could only take on roles that were uplifting to God and Jesus. They then go on to compare him to Job. For those that don't know, this is what the website says about the story of Job:

Job was the most inflential man in the east, (Job 1-3) he was a man of great wealth who stood up for righteousness and his God. However, there came a period of time where Job went through great distress and testing. He lost his children, his health, his home and wealth. Throughout this pain and suffering, he stood in faithfulness to God and would not turn his back on Him. Because of his faithfulness, Job was instantly restored by "All Who Knew Him"

I have a number of problems with this idea. First of all, the assumption that his career has gone downhill since 2002. The three aforementioned movies were all released in or before 2002. After this, he is in such awesome movies as Shark in Venice, a movie who's title makes the entire story so blatantly obvious that I won't even bother clicking on the link to confirm my suspicions (I personally would have titled the movie Jaws in a Canal). He has also done a number of TV movies and guest appearances, including CSI, the most watched show on TV. I really can't decide how I feel about this information. I mean, the three movies before 2002 were all awful (well, I at least assume that the last two were awful since I refuse to watch them), so is Shark in Venice really that much of a downgrade? I mean, its hard to say his career has ever really flourished. The only good movies in his career are The Usual Suspects and Half Baked, both of which were before 2002, but there's plenty of junk surrounding these two decent films.

The next issue is the comparison to Job. Now I'm by no means a devout Christian (or really a devout anything for that matter) but to compare Stephen Baldwin to Job is a little ridiculous to me. For one thing, Job didn't have 3 famous (and significantly more successful) brothers. Any of the three of them could easily help their youngest brother out of his financial problems. Plus, Job was ALWAYS a believer, Stephen just picked it up 8 years ago. 

More than that, why would God choose Stephen Baldwin to put through trials and tribulations? Is he supposed to prove some divine truth to us all?  What truth could that possibly be? I don't remember a commandment that said "Thou shalt not have minor supporting roles in horrible movies." Are we supposed to learn that if you have three successful older brothers, don't try and take on the same career as them?  I know He works in mysterious ways, but I just don't see the greater plan here.

And that brings me to my last point. Lets just suspend disbelief for a moment and assume that this is some holy conspiracy. If that is true, why do the believers (people from the website) take it upon themselves to end God's work?  If God himself decided that Stephen needed a test of his faith, who are WE mere mortals to end such a trial? When God is ready for Stephen to be "restored", won't He see to it that its done? And I'm pretty sure God wouldn't use a website for His purposes. Plus, in the story of Job, it was "all who knew him" that gave him token gifts, not all that knew OF him. I can pretty safely guarentee that I will be giving nothing to Stephen Baldwin (I wouldn't even donate any money to the people of Haiti), and I know of him. What is His plan for that?

Travis' Hands On Review of Fennec for Android!

Ok, so today I was playing with the new Fennec browser for Android 2.0 and above devices. Above is a video demonstration and some review. A couple of things I wanted to touch on that I didn't mention in the video.

One big thing is that this pre-alpha version had no good way of zooming in. It didn't use multitouch, which I wasn't expecting anyway, but it didn't even have the stock browser's +/- zoom keys. All you could do is double-tap where you wanted to zoom in, and hope that it zoomed at all, and from there hope it was a good size.

Again, the browser is largely unresponsive, making me tap things multiple times. Also, as seen in the video, on the Droid it doesn't bring up the software keyboard, though I have seen screenshots elsewhere that showed it, presumably on the Nexus One. And speaking of typing, sometimes when you started typing in a text field, it would throw you to the top of the page, often completely hiding the text field you need to see.

And finally, a lot of the Add Ons weren't compatible with this build. Again, it's pre-alpha, so I didn't expect much, but there were some more basic ones that could have been easily added. I hope you enjoyed my video walk-through. Please leave your thoughts in the comments below!

Wireless Wednesday: Black(Eyed Peas)Berry 6, Microsoft Turns into Apple, and Miniture Foxes!

Hey kids, welcome to yet another installment of Wireless Wednesday! Let's dive right in!



This week, WES 2010, the big BlackBerry event of the year, kicked off with a boom. And another boom, followed by a POW! RIM officially announced 2 new phones, the Pearl 3G and the Bold 9650. The Pearl is just like you saw it before, except it has RIM's new optical TrackPad instead of the TrackBall (kinda makes the Pearl's name silly now), but in addition to the SureType keyboard, RIM has an option for a standard T9 based number pad. The Pearl is going to be GSM based only for now it seems, but don't worry Sprint and Verizon fans, the next one is for you. They also announced the Bold 9650, a CDMA follow-up to the Tour. Again replacing the Ball for the Pad (no jokes about this please), and adding WiFi and an internal memory boost to ease complaints of Tour customers. More importantly, RIM also announced BlackBerry 6, the new operating system that will allow for both multitouch use and non-touchscreen. It looks just like what we said last week, but last week we didn't have Will.I.Am playing in the background. Hit up the video above for that.



Next up, Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, may be considering a name change to Jobs. Microsoft has come out and said that Android has infringed on all kinds of patents of theirs, though they wouldn't say specifically which ones. Unlike Apple, they aren't going to take this to court (yet), and instead has offered to let HTC, the main/pretty much only company behind Windows Mobile and the upcoming Windows Phone 7, license the use of Android to them. That's right: HTC will be paying MICROSOFT so they can make GOOGLE'S phones. Seriously? I know that Matt has touched on this before, but the US Patent Office needs to be burned to the ground. The fact that companies can just patent vague ideas and common sense concepts and then get pissed when someone else makes a product that makes sense for human use. And more importantly, where the hell does Microsoft come off by saying that HTC should pay THEM for work they didn't do? If I were HTC, I'd say "Fine! Good luck with your LG and Dell WinPhone7SeriesWhateverTheHellIt'sCalledToday phones! Remember how those two companies suck? HA!" and then go make millions off the EVO 4G.



And finally, 2 short tidbits. The first is that Apple has set the date for the Worldwide Developer's Conference. It'll take place on June 7th, and if it's anything like last year, we'll see the "unveiling" of the new iPhone, along with some refreshed everything else they sell. Also today, Mozilla has released a pre-alpha version of Fennec, the mobile version of Firefox, for Android 2.0 and above devices. The browser is definitely pre-alpha, so if you have a Nexus or a Droid and do get it, don't judge it yet. I'll most likely post a video demo/review some time tonight or tomorrow to go more in depth.

Smile and say cheese! But wait, not at a Pizza Hut

So among other things, us writers like to blog about our experiences in the hopes of passing on some great wisdom to the reader. Let me take you back to a time, only some few days ago, when my dad and I stepped into a Pizza Hut. Everyone was really nice and the atmosphere of the dining area was exceptionally well done. We went in to pick up our order that was called in ahead of time.

Here's where it gets fun though. While there, I noticed a sign for a customer survey that didn't make sense. It said that if you completed a survey, you entered into a chance to win either an iPod or $1000 cash. At first inspection, this seemed really silly because who wouldn't want the cash (even if they wanted an MP3 player) because they'd have plenty of money to get that and have extra cash in hand. So I did what any modern person of my age did: I took a photo of it and uploaded it to Twitter for my friends to see. Obviously, I didn't take the photo to make a big deal at all, and in fact hadn't yet verbally acknowledged it. I wasn't trying to be sneaky about it, but even my dad didn't realize I had taken the photo.

As we waited, I come to find out that the cashier who cashed us out did in fact see me take the photo and immediately ran off to get her manager. The manager then in fact called her district manager. She then storms out of the kitchen and approaches me to ask if I took a photo. I explained that yes I did, and when asked of what, pointed to the sign. I told her it didn't make any sense to me and finding humor in it, sent it to my friends. She promptly told me to delete the picture off my phone. Now I could have been a smart ass at this point, and was seriously considering it, but I politely told her I wasn't going to do that. She continued to insist I did. The conversation was turning into a parking lot, so I ended it with a simple, "It doesn't really matter, anyways, as I've already published it on the internet."

This is where it gets great. She immediately stops talking with me, calls the District Manager back again, and without even a "Hello" promptly informed him in a frantic voice that it was already uploaded to the world. I couldn't help but smile at how amazing technology is, never realizing the culmination of power in my phone would one day work together to really upset this manager. Sensing defeat but not yet ready to give up, she asks me again what would possess me to take the photo. I tell her I though someone would be crazy for taking the iPod when cash would both pay for a new one and leave some extra pocket change. I then took the offensive and asked her to show me where on the outside of the building it was posted that photos were not allowed in here. Oddly enough, she couldn't provide an answer ;) For the record, it didn't say anything.

Now we come to the point of the story when I must confess my dad is awesome. He's 50/50 about incidents like this. One thing he might yell at me for what I was doing, and something that seems to be the exact incident causes him to go after the other people instead. This whole time he had been uncharacteristically quiet and I began to worry that his watching me patiently meant I (even at 24) was about to get told off for being stupid. Then he slowly turned to the manager and gave the following speech:

"My boy used to play in soccer. His team had good days and it had bad days. But afterwards, we'd come to a Pizza Hut and let the team work off the excitement. As a parent, I would take his picture with the team. [dramatic pause] Should I delete those photos too?"

She agreed that no, he wouldn't have to delete those, and realized the check-mate in the discussion when it came to my photo. Now it's time to move in for the kill... really drive this point home. He continues,

"You see, I'm actually quite embarrassed. You're telling me my son and I did something wrong in your store, but you never allowed us the chance to know what unique rules you had. So what other policies do you have that I should know as a customer so I don't find myself in this situation again?"

I love my dad. It's that calm sarcasm that makes someone feel really silly when they put the situation into proper context that makes him great. She wouldn't ever say that I could keep it on my phone, but at this point she also realized it was time to stop asking me to delete it. Realizing this was done, we asked for the corporate phone number. Instead, she gave us the District Manager's cell. I admire her persistence in not fully meeting our requests.

We called Mr. Olsen on our way to the house where he in fact clarified that he was afraid a photo taken would "sensationalize" their product / image and thus the reason for no photos. When posed with the soccer boy contradiction, he didn't have an answer though. Once more, my dad was allowed to keep those precious photos of my youth. To be fair, he did also clarify that the iPod was won in a drawing once a day, and the $1000 cash was a once a week survey prize. At least that makes sense.

It's funny because in my tweet of this incident, I never once mentioned the company name Pizza Hut. After this all happened, I knew a blog post with their information was needed. My hope is that this post is sensational! So what did we learn from all of this? Apparently, you can't take a picture inside of a Pizza Hut. This is an answer I would have never known the question to. I wonder what other "policies" they have that they do not inform their guests of. Pizza Hut.

Wireless Wednesday: Flash and Prototypes and Leaks! Oh My!

It's Wednesday, and that means we're covering phone stuff. And dear God there's a lot to cover!



First up, a Flash news flash. First up, the bad news. Adobe announced today that they would stop investing in their development tools for iPhone OS and instead shift all of that focus into Android, citing Apple's recent, and quite vindictive, changes to their app development policy. That, coupled with the clarification from Adobe that Flash 10.1 will be ready and start shipping by the early part of the second half of the year, makes our BlackBerry, Palm, and Android lovers pretty happy. Flash 10.1 will enable smartphones to access full Flash like a computer does. That's right, your Droid will play Hulu and your Pre will rock Farmville. God help us all.


And speaking of Apple, some lucky dude is now rich for going to a bar. Last week, an Apple employee had a prototype of the newest iPhone at a bar, where he was celebrating his birthday. Unfortunately for him, he left the thing behind, letting some anonymous bar hopper to find it. He did try to find the owner in the bar, but upon failing and closer examination, he realized that it wasn't the 3GS he thought it was. It was in fact an unreleased product. Apple quickly remote wiped and bricked the device, but not until we learned some stuff. The prototype has a front facing camera, a bigger battery, and strangely a smaller screen. Apple later confirmed that it was legit. So happy birthday, Apple test labs guy! Your gift is a pink slip! Consider yourself lucky, Apple employees have died for less (sad, but true).


And finally, some goodies for you BlackBerry loyalists. Some screenshots of the new 6.0 operating system have surfaced, along with a new phone! The new OS is multitouch enabled (though it's still possible that not all new devices will be touch-based), uses a WebKit browser (same engine behind the iPhone and new Palm browsers), greatly improved media player, and better social networking and RSS feed integration. Most importantly, the home page is redesigned with panels and app categorization. The new phone, the 9670, is essentially a Curve Flip. Full QWERTY keyboard, 5mp camera, WiFi, Bluetooth, the works. And it runs, you guessed it, BB OS 6.0! And my personal favorite part: It's CDMA, so it could hit Sprint or Verizon!

New Faces in Familiar Places

There is a new face here at BluePrints Blog... and I'm it. I guess this is my introductory post.

My name is Whitney. I'm 23 years old, born and raised in Jupiter. Please... don't laugh and tell me you're from Mars. It's been done before. Jupiter, Florida - the best town on the East coast of Florida!!!

I moved to Orlando in 2004 with dreams of saving the world and being a UCF Knight. While I've accomplished the latter, I am still working on saving the world. I loved going to UCF... well, I loved going to UCF for anything other than class... i.e. Wackadoos before class... during class... or after class. As a Knight, I majored in Civil Engineering. I got my first job in my field of study working for the General Contractor on the UCF football stadium. I had the opportunity to be in the trailer on the jobsite for the year and a half it was under construction. My roommates at the time (fellow bloggers Matt and Brad) had the opportunity to collect on the free food brought home from various celebratory events I attended. It really was a win-win. BTW... if you ask me about the waterfountains... I promise to answer... but I also may punch you in the throat. No guarantees there...

After the stadium, and one other small construction project, I decided to start my career in the design side of engineering. I got an internship with a transportation firm... graduated in May 2008 and began working full time with them. Since then I've gotten experience designing Airport airfields, roadways, drainage systems and ITS systems. I've since found a permanent home in ITS systems - Intelligent Transportation Systems. I'll likely blog a lot about the things I do in my job - so just to give a jist of what I do... I design smart roads. Fiber optic networks that provide security, safety and efficiency on roadways.

I'm a workaholic... People ask me why I work so much, and my response is usually "we have a lot to do, and not enough time to do it"... and while that is true... the reality is I love it. Don't be fooled, though... the Irish-Italian in me plays as hard as I work!!! I love pool. I play pool on a team twice a week, and in singles tournaments at least once a week. I don't get any time to practice... but at my rate of improvement - even without practice - I think I could play in some pro tours in the next 5 years or so. I also play flag football once a week...
Similarly to Matt... I like consistency in my life... It's just a bit of chaotic consistency. I'm up at 5:30 in the morning for my morning work out... at work by 9... and home at 10:30 pm (from either work or post-work festivities) or later packing for the next days shenanigans!!

So that's the life story...

I'm not really sure what I expect to get out of this blog... Or give to this blog. But I think it would be a good place to get my thoughts down after long days of craziness... If you're interested in the career I described... Pool (billiards)... and the random "what grinds my gears" thoughts of the day... then I think (and hope) you'll enjoy what I have to say. :-)

Till next time, I bid you adeu.
-Whitney

Wireless Wednesday: An Incredible Opera about Kin!

Welcome to another installment of the semi scheduled segment about all the phone stuff of the week! Lots of stuff to cover, so let's jump right in!



First off, Verizon today put up a teaser page on their website for the HTC Incredible This 3.7" multitouch AMOLED phone running Android 2.1 will be available for purchase on April 29th. Essentially, it's a Nexus One on Verizon, but with an 8 megapixel camera and it has HTC's sleek SenseUI. Price wasn't mentioned, but you'll probably be looking at $200 after rebates.



Next up is some very surprising news. This week, Apple finally approved the iPhone version of the Opera Mini browser. The browser is much faster than the standard Safari browser and shows that maybe Apple is moving away from their monopolistic "Only we can make the important stuff!" approach. Yeah, who are we kidding? Especially since they're also now restricting how the developers make their apps, which is just an effort to kill Adobe anyway. What they don't realize is that they owe these developers for their success, and effectively pissing on them will make them look for alternative work. Hello, Android!



And finally, Microsoft unveiled a major product that has been known as Project Pink for quite some time. The new platform is called Kin, and is marketed specifically for socially networked tweens and teens, a group that Microsoft call "Generation Upload". The two phones announced, brilliantly named Kin One and Kin Two, will hit Verizon and Vodaphone. It comes with built in integration with Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and their own Live services, and focus on connecting your digital life with your real world social one. It features the Loop on the main screen, comprised of your texts, friends' statuses and pictures. And unlike the similar feature seen on MOTOBLUR(Motorola's bastardization of the Android software), each person can have an mportance assigned to them, so you see more of your friends' content, and less of that guy you knew in elementary school that you feel awkward about deleting.

The Spot (literally just a little green circle at the bottom of the screen) allows for easy sharing of information. Various elements, including contacts, links, and social networking stuff, can be dragged in, then a simple click will organize the information to make it easy to send what you want to who you want and how you want to send it (via text, MMS, Facebook, etc.). It also automatically saves all pictures and videos in the Kin Studio online, allowing for easy access on any computer, and both have full Zune functionality.

Overall, the Kin system should not be compared with or viewed as a smartphone OS. It lacks an application store, and even an in-phone calendar, it doesn't have a microSD slot and has very limited memory (only 4-8GB). It is made for only those who want an internet heavy phone with social networking as the focus, not an app to download. It definitely isn't for everybody, but I think a lot of operating systems could learn a thing or two about such seemless integration and upload. It could be the perfect in between for a teenager who will eventually go from their basic texting phone to a smartphone.

Ultimately, it shows that Microsoft is indeed going down a very Apple-esque road. They are reducing the amount of control the individual has. Both Kin and Windows Phone 7 have no 3rd party app support, little customization, and are blocking manufacturers from making skins, like HTC's SenseUI and Motorola's MOTOBLUR. And much like Apple developers, Windows Mobile app makers may be turned off by a closed-source multitasking free platform.

BluePrints Reviews: Apple iPad

So as you've probably guessed from reading this blog, the three of us aren't the biggest fan of Apple products. We recognize this part of us, and to be as fair and balanced to our readers, our personal pain and suffering towards the product would have to be put aside. Thus the other day we stepped into the Apple store to see the iPad up close and personal. To keep us sane, we did use the Motorola Droid to take our photographs.

Our goal in doing this was to see if it was really "magical" and/or "revolutionary". The first thing you see as you approach the store is that every sign was dedicated to showing screenshots on the iPad, and several were put out on tables to be seen. After a short wait, we picked up one for each of us and began looking at it.

I do want this review to be fair, so I must tell you that like other Apple products, the screen quality is impressive. The image quality looks great and it's probably one of the easiest touch screens to use. Your gestures just flow over the screen as you navigate around the device. The apps load very fast, but that is to be expected due to the lack of multi-tasking. Rendering was smooth too. In the maps application, you can peel back the map like a page on a book giving it great reflective dimensionality in any direction. One part I personally liked was how photos that were geotagged had corresponding push pins over the map in the areas they were taken, and the closer you zoomed in, the more detail of where the photos were captured appeared.

That being said, the revolution is non existent. The iPad does not do anything new. It plays music and movies, has a web browser, displays photos, and does applications. But that's all old news. Tablet PCs, netbooks, even most phones accomplish these tasks. Even that great screen I mentioned was only a full screen ratio (4:3) so movies would either not be able to fill up the device's display or you'd have to stretch the image. The iPad was also heavy. It did feel very sturdy to hold, but became uncomfortable over time. Ultimately you'd end up putting this on a desk [top] or even in your lap [top] (hint hint, see what I did there? Props to Travis for the original connection). Even when we had it on the desk, typing was more cumbersome than I had hoped it would be. The keys were large but with no shape or heptic feedback, I just couldn't see myself typing on this very long. While we're on the subject of hardware, let it be mentioned that there is NO camera. The conclusion I draw from this is that even the things that it is supposed to be doing well (photo sharing) isn't that great at all.

It is very reasonable to believe that a common use of this device would be an internet browser, so we prepared a list of some sites to visit and see how they looked on the page. This is the part you just can't ignore the facts. Flash is used in over 70% of web pages and it is blatantly obvious as you surf the web. Watching movies or even TV shows is great on this device, so naturally it would be great to visit sites like Hulu but courtesy of Apple, impossible to do. It is Steve Jobs' policy for usage on their products to be Apple's way or the Highway.

On the software front, Apple added the iWorks app suite to it so that you can view and edit documents, spreadsheets, and presentations. I personally focused on using these apps while in the store. Yes, they did show samples of some stunning office documents and presentations, but overall I found it too hard to use because of the iPad's (aka iPhone OS') over simplified user interface. I had to look all over just to find buttons to make stuff work. This problem extended to other applications like the Mail app where certain windows would show be default in certain orientations and finding the "Compose" button never felt intuitive. I do want to give props to the guy before us who left his email account signed in on the iPad.

The assessment: seeing as the price range of this device will (when WiFi+3G models release) create a price range of $500 - $830, I just can't imagine why I'd put even $1 of my own money in getting a product that isn't new. There is nothing magical about limitation, and absolutely nothing new to write home about that "revolutionizes" the industry. I know that like the others that went with me, we are immune to the pull of an Apple commercial and the shiny little fruit on the back of the device (no, I'm not referring to the Apple Genius holding it up). We don't get impressed by something because we're told we should or "everybody else likes it". We get impressed when it actually pushes the boundaries of the technological frontier, and this new niche in the Apple product line up will not cut it.

iPhone OS 4.0 or Putting the "Re" in Revolutionary!

So today Apple gave us all the details on the iPhone (and iPad) OS 4.0. This may come as a shock to you, but guess who was disappointed. Before I start ranting, let's talk about the things I like:

Multitasking. Finally. Not a big deal, the UI (User Interface) they used looks nice and makes sense. You double-tap the home button and a little dock pops up from the bottom with the stuff you have open. Because of this, Pandora can also be controlled from the Unlock screen, something I love and hope other OSs use in the future.

Gaming. Despite how I disagree with how Apple thinks they've bested the PSP and DS, they did this well. Essentially it'll allow for online gaming between friends and strangers alike, achievements, leader boards, etc. The only thing I worry about is that I didn't hear them specifically say it'd work over 3G. WiFi-only would make it useless.

Unified Inbox. All your various email addresses in one inbox, but can be separated. This is something BlackBerry has been doing for some time, but both iPhones and Androids should have started with.

That said, I had to hold back from yawning the entire presentation. Multitasking is great, which is why we've been doing it for years. And the Dock on the bottom is a good UI for it, which is why Windows picked up the Taskbar like 15 years ago. And bringing up the Dock is just like holding the Home button on Android, holding the menu button on a BlackBerry, and pressing the gesture area on a Palm. Welcome to the Multitasking party, Apple, but 3 years isn't fashionably late. It's just late.

Now let's talk about the new iAds. The concept of iAds makes sense. First, it further separates them from Google. Second, the ads are very attractive and interactive (the Toy Story 3 demo had the trailer, wallpapers, games, etc.). I agree with good old Steve when he said that nobody clicks on ads anyway, so it's logical to make them more fun. Problem is, as Apple sales themselves demonstrate, the world and it's people are far from logical. Ultimately, it's not that we don't click on ads because they aren't fun. We don't click on ads because we don't care. If I wanted to learn more about Toy Story 3 (and believe me, I do), I wouldn't want to hear about it when I open up my sports app. I open an app for the app, not some other crap. It'll also be interesting to see if Apple restricts the iAds as much as they do their AppStore.

Following the presentation, there was a Q&A, and the first question was about how AT&T was going to handle all the extra data, since they can barely handle all the iPhones doing one thing at a time as is. Jobs' answer was essentially "What extra data?". He shrugged off the question, saying that it really wasn't extra data. Well last I checked, the first thing Pandora did after opening for the first time was give me a warning that basically said "Hope you have an unlimited data plan!". So if I'm jamming out to The Glee Cast Radio (Comes back Tuesday btw!) and reading articles on my favorite blog (Hint hint), how am I using the same amount of data? I assume Stevie would just say "Magic".

And finally, the biggest flub of the day. I've got bad news for you iPhone 3G and 2nd generation iPod Touch owners. To lighten the news, imagine the next sentence as the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. "NO MULTITASK FOR YOU!" (Cue transition ditty). What's the deal with that? Older units may or may not receive some of the changes, though which ones (other than multitasking) weren't clarified. So that gaming goodness you got excited for just now, scale it back a little, you might not have it. Now I understand that software moves on and hardware can get left behind, but those iPhone 3G contracts are coming up. Any smart consumer will look and see that iPhones really will be obselete in a year, whereas Androids, BlackBerries, and presumably Palms will be good to go for software upgrades. I may be giving people in that circumstance too much credit though.

That's what I've got for now. There are a few little things I didn't touch on, so feel free to fire away your questions/thoughts in the comments below. Oh, and don't worry, we didn't forget the iPad came out (though we did hope it was an elaborate April Fools joke). Saturday the BluePrints Team is taking a field trip to our local Apple Store for a hands on. And we may screw with the "Geniuses" there. It'll be magical and revolutionary for sure.

Is it Too Soon For a Michael Jackson Post?

At the school I'm subbing at now, I eat lunch with 3 teachers. A female English (which I refuse to call "Language Arts") teacher and two male teachers. I don't really know what these two teach, except that one of them works with the ESE students. For those of you that don't know, ESE stands for Exceptionally Stupid rEtards (or something like that). Anyways, we were talking yesterday about some of the students in the school, and they mentioned the name of a girl who has not been here for a couple weeks. The female teacher told me I should be glad that she wasn't here because she "has demons." I laughed a little and smiled and she said "No, really. She told us." and the ESE teacher says "Yeah, she hears them speaking to her."

At this point, I'm a little intrigued, but mostly disappointed. I like interesting and strange things, so to me a kid with demons in my class would be really funny. I mention that I would like to have her in my class and the female teacher says "Mr. X" (not because I'm trying to protect him so much as I just don't know his name) "misses her too. She makes his days more fun."

Its at this point that the two of them make the greatest series of comments of all time, which I will print as a script because its just too good to be believed.

Mr. X: She channels Michael Jackson.

I stare at him in wonder.

Ms. E (for English): No, really. She'll dance in class.

I desperately contain my laughter.

Mr. X: Yeah. She gets up, does the moonwalk.

Ms. E: Sometimes, she'll just go "Heeheee" in the middle of me speaking.

Mr. X: while writing with an imaginary pencil. Even in her writing. In the middle of a sentence it will just say "Heeheee."

At this point, I cannot help but laugh. This conversation just got beyond the point of what I could handle maturely. I just have this vision of a large white girl (though I've never seen the girl in question and have no way of knowing either her size or race) with a mullet get up and go "Heeheee" in a really high pitched whine just like Michael Jackson and doing the moonwalk in the back of the room. At some point after moonwalking for about 20 feet, with the entire class staring at her, she shakes her head and says "What happened? Did I channel the King of Pop again?"

After lunch, I started wondering other things. I mean, if even in her writing she can't stop him from getting loose, how far does it reach into her life? Does she sing as good as Michael? Can she compose great pop music (even though that's sort of an oxymoron)? If she is white, is she at peace as Michael, since that's what he wanted all along anyways? If she has a crush on one of her little boy classmates, is it her or MJ?

A Cruise to the Bahamas

Over the last week (which was our Spring Break) my wife and I went on a 4 night cruise to the Bahamas. We had a great time, which of course makes it completely uninteresting to write about. So instead, I will write about cruises in general and some of the goods and bads of such an experience (but mostly the bads).

The first thing you notice when getting on a cruise ship is that it doesn't feel like a ship. It feels more like a big mall/hotel/resort/theme park. On larger ships, you won't even notice the ship rocking as it sails across the sea. I use the word "sail" because that's what they use. However, these ships are obviously not propelled by wind whatsoever as a source of wind capable of moving 74,000 tons. There are shops, pools, restaurants, and bars. Some ships have rock climbing walls, water slides, put-put golf courses, even water parks. They're like giant floating cities.

The first problem you encounter is when you reach your room. This is another term used loosely on a cruise ship. Your "room" is actually a matchbox with an even smaller matchbox attached which contains a shower head and things they call "shower", "toilet", and "sink". I should also point out that the "room" is dominated by a "queen size" "bed". This bed is actually two twin beds set side-by-side with no attempt made whatsoever to hide the giant seam in between.

Now, some of my discomfort may stem from the fact that I am 6 foot 3 inches and weigh over 270 pounds, so what is slightly small for most people is torturous for me. For example, when I lay on this "bed" my LEGS hang off the end. Let me repeat that: My LEGS hang off the end. I am quite used to my feet hanging off the end of a bed as most beds require that I curl up to come degree for them to accommodate me. In this scenario, from my toes to the middle of my calves were hanging in mid-air all night. Another consequence of this is that the sheets are almost instantly untucked from the bottom leaving my feet both dangling and unconvered (aka cold). Also, the "vanity" for my wife to put on her makeup is in the room, as it would not fit in the matchbox that is the bathroom, and it is placed directly against the foot of this bed so that when I turn over in the night, I not only bang my head into the wall that is right against the side, but kick the vanity, effectively waking me up every 20 or 30 minutes.

So after some of the best sleep I've ever gotten (see, it is possible to convey sarcasm on the internet!), I get up to go to the bathroom. The toilet is too small in all dimensions, but that's not really the major issue here. The bigger problem is that I am roughly as wide from shoulder to should as the bathroom. So as I sit, the idea of looking around is limited to the range of motion afforded my neck without moving any other body part. Again, this is far from the worst part of this endeavor. The shower, from wall to shower curtain, is SMALLER than my width. The result being that my right shoulder protrudes into and sticks to the shower curtain. On many cruises, the height (or lack thereof) of the showers makes it impossible for me to even stand up straight. When I try, my head is flush against the ceiling and my knees remain bent. The length of this shower presents a new issue as well. With my back against the shower head, I attempt to wash my legs. As I lift my leg, my knee hits the opposite wall of the shower, effectively removing my ability to bend to reach my lower leg. I didn't even TRY to wash my feet.

Even with the size issues I encountered (that's what she said), going for a cruise is one of the best vacation options available. The endless food and lack of movement will make you forever understand why this country deals with obesity on an epidemical level (and yes, I just made up a word).